How To Get Over Divorce For Men

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How To Get Over Divorce For Men

Posted by Kyle Morrison on April 26, 2011 at 1:50 AM Comments comments (1)

get over divorce for menHow to get over divorce for men is not a question that can be answered in asingle line. Every man is different, and has different circumstances. Every man also comes to find their path in life in their own unique way. However, there are some core psychological similarities in all cas es of men and divorce that if known,can really help you find your way.


There are a few essential parts to being free and moving on fromdivorce for men.

  • Gaining self respect and not just bolstering self esteem.
  • Building confidence via self respect and not short term esteem boosters.
  • Coming to grips with your memories and reasons for the divorce.
  • Working through the stages of divorce as fast as possible.
  • Learning how to forgive

This sounds like a lot to work though, and it does take time, but the keyword there is forgive. Achieving a sense of forgiveness of yourself, and your ex-wife is essential to get over divorce for men. This does not mean condoningany actions, this does not mean that the divorce was right, this does not meanyou are accepting blame or anything like that.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, or condoning - it just means you havedecided at the very core of your being that you are not letting it bother youanymore. That it is in the past and behind you no matter what your financial orsocial situation may be now. It is an acknowledgement that you have a new life and are not tied to the old one.

This is the ultimate goal of getting over a divorce. The longer youhold on to the memories and the hurt, the worse you will feel and your lifewill not progress. You must take the core of your being, your ego, your selfrespect and mould it into a new you, then leave the place you were in and boldlystride into a new world a new person.

Easier said than done right? Well, to help you get there please take alook at the link below. It links you to an e-book that is dedicated to helpingyou achieve these very things and has helped many men overcome depression,anxiety and anger at their divorce fast.

Get Over Divorce For Men

Getting Over Post-Divorce Depression

Posted by Kyle Morrison on April 23, 2011 at 1:51 AM Comments comments (0)

Post-Divorce depression for men is very difficult to deal with for manyguys. For most, we are simply not equipped to deal with these sorts ofemotional struggles. We do not have the psychological or emotional "tools" if you like to handle this problem.

Men are good problem solvers though. It is hard wired into our mindsto take a problem and solve it - but depression seems to be unsolvable leadingto many poor decisions.

Too many men equate depression with low self esteem and try to dothings to raise that self esteem. Alcohol, prostitutes, meaningless causal sex,fighting, drugs, even computer game addiction. Anything that gives us a sensewe are powerful for a short time is used - but it has no long term effectsleading to a "crash" of our self esteem once again.

To combat depression you need to not focus on your self esteem, butinstead you must bolster your self respect. These are two very differentthings. It can only come about if you have a good handle on WhO you are post-divorcethough. This is a something that can take a lot of soul searching to do.

The other way to help fight depression is the connect with people.Depression continues because of isolation from others. The more alone we arethe more depressed we become. While you do need some alone time to grieve, youneed to connect more with other people which gives you the opportunity to findout who this new "You" is anyway!

Stages of Post-Divorce Grief

Posted by Kyle Morrison on April 21, 2011 at 1:45 AM Comments comments (0)

Whenever we experience a massive loss in our life we go through a process of grief. This is true for the death of a loved one, or even the loss of a sentimental object, and of course something as devastating as divorce. This process has a few stages that seem to be hard wired into the human mind. Each step plays an important role, even though it brings us a lot of pain and anguish.

These stages of post-divorce grief for men are:

  • Denial - At first most cannot believe what has happened. We tend to deny it, to believe it is not happening, or at least to believe that is will be back to normal soon. The gravity of the situation has not sunk in and the status quo is still in place in the mans head only.
  • Anger - Eventually the penny drops and the man realises just how serious this is. The life they once knew is crumbling fast and their self esteem and ego have been damaged. Anger and rage are our instinctual next steps. This stage should not last long, but if it does you can destroy many things.
  • Bargaining - Once the rage wears off fear sets in. We start to bargain, we start to try to fix things and promise more to our ex, to our kids, even to god - if only the divorce is turned around.
  • Depression - Once we realise that no bargaining can help, we are left with no fear, or anger anymore. We are left with a hollow sadness. Men can get stuck in this stage for a long time.
  • Acceptance - Finally men can emerge from this depressive state and realise that moping cannot fix anything. We accept the inevitable and realise that if we cannot change it, we need to move on and change ourselves. 

 


Forgetting An Ex-Wife

Posted by Kyle Morrison on April 16, 2011 at 1:44 AM Comments comments (1)

Forgetting an ex-wife is not an easy thing for a man after his divorce. Itis hard to eliminate years and years of memories, love, affection, andpartnership in a short time. It is also difficult to get rid of the intensememories left by the divorce such as heated arguments, fights, and oftenmemories of infidelity and betrayal as well.

Also, the idea of forgetting is a slight misnomer. We do not forgetpeople really. We do not forget a lot of things in our lives. We do howeverstop the memories from bothering us and stopping our personal development.

This will always happen over time. Time does heal, but in the case ofyour ex-wife and your old married life this can take a LOTlonger than you anticipate or want. All these burdensome memories will stop youbeing able to move on after divorce and so they must be dealt with!

To do this you must take control of these memories, and lessen theirintensity, importance, and recurrence in your mind. There are a few neatvisualisation tricks that might help.

  • Lower Volume - Loud intense arguments form loud intense memories. By imagining that you have a volume knob for this memory and you are slowly turning it down as you relive the memory each time you can actually train your brain to make this memory less intense.
  • Push Away - Using this technique you imagine your memory of your ex wife is like an object floating in front of you. Instead of just watching it, you can say to yourself "Go away, and do not bother me again". Then imagine pushing this memory and watching it slide away from your getting smaller and smaller into the distance until you cannot see it.
  • 3rd person - By reliving a memory in the 3rd person, instead of inside your own skin, you can change the perspective of a memory. This can really help you understand it, and make it less personal. This stops it being as bothersome. 

 



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